This last week was my first week back at school after Thanksgiving break, and wow.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving break I got baptized. It was amazing and beautiful and crazy. I’m not saying that I instantly felt like a new person, because I didn’t. But I’m slowly realizing that I am a different person. It’s kind of crazy. At the baptism, however, God did speak to my heart. It was astounding all the things that God used other people to say to me. Things that only I and God knew about people were talking to me about. Things that I didn’t even realize were an issue were brought up to me to confront. Like I said, it was beautiful.
Then I went home for the break. Eek. I still can’t even pinpoint what went wrong. Now, I didn’t drink or do anything stupid with boys or anything like that… I just felt like crap. Being home just put this weight on my spirituality. Like I wasn’t free. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I do. But stuff is complicated. And I’m not at all trying to put this on them. It’s more of an attitude I somehow got thrown into while at home. And it makes me dread going back. I stopped reading my Bible and spending time in prayer after a few days. I stopped talking to God. It was as if I just stopped calling one of my best friends and neither of us knew why. I could still feel God, he was silent and sad right there next to me the whole time. And, for some reason, I felt like I didn’t know what to do about it. All I had to do was turn to him. But something was in my way. It sucked. ROYALLY. All of this makes me afraid to go back. I don’t want to do this again. It took me a good 4 days to make my way back to where I wanted to be with God, and that’s not including the good 6 during the break in which I didn’t speak to him. 10 Days away from God is like an eternity, and a very sad, depressing one at that.
These last couple days have been really nice though. God has been showing me his love in some really amazing places and calling me to move for him. It’s pretty crazy stuff.
I guess I’ll end with that but there’s a video I got sent to me recently and it’s pretty phenomenal. SO, here you go!
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