Counting on the night for a beautiful day, I shake it your way...

Plan B: Go Crazy

jones12 — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 21:43:46 +0000

So, I generally pride myself on the fact that when I do something of consequence (and sometimes even if it’s not), it is well thought out. I have usually examined the pros, cons, and my motives. My motives are a big one for me. I not only ask myself why I’m doing something, but, when I’ve decided why I’m doing something, I will then press further and examine whether or not that is a “good” reason to be following through with said action.

Things to consider when I am deciding if my motives are “good” (by my standard of course):Am I respecting the people around me and, more specifically am I respecting the people my decision will effect? Am I respecting their space, right to privacy, and right to be perceived in whatever way they wish? While at the same time, am I being true to myself, my nature, and my rights within the context of our relationship? Those are always big ones that catch me because it’s easy to get mad or jealous or have expectations of the people around you, but when you consider the situation, it’s not usually your place to have those feelings, let alone impose them on another. For me, once I have addressed all of these things, then I can make a decision I’m comfortable with. I find that this thought process allows for a lot less regret than acting rashly or out of instinct. This thought process is most helpful for me when I’m angry, hurt, or frustrated and feel the need to act. If I examine why I feel the way I do before hand, responding appropriately comes a lot easier. It’s like damage control for myself.

This all said, I usually encounter this entire thought process when agitated, but in general I tend to be very aware of why I do what I do, thus bringing us to the reason I write today at all: today I did something and I don’t know why I did it. It’s driving me crazy. The worst part: I know that my friend will ask me why I did it. And I can’t answer him. The entire time I was doing it I was asking myself: “Why am I doing this?” It’s not like it was anything bad even. It was really nice. Almost too nice… like, unnecessary nice. But I did it because I wanted to show I care… It’s so weird… (slight tangent: recently my love language has definitely changed to service)… What bothers me is: why would I go to such extremes (and believe me, it was slightly extreme and he didn’t even ask me to do it… as far as I know he doesn’t even know I did it yet…) anyways, why would I do that to show I care? Then two things come up: I must care A LOT. And it must be really important for him to know I care. OH SNAP. realization: he’s kind of a closed off person in general and I have tried so hard to earn his trust and I really want him to know that I’m safe and would do anything in any situation for my friends, which definitely includes him. I also have this thing about friends in general: I think everyone should have that one friend that would do anything for them, that they know they can trust, that they know they can count on. I have tried so hard in so many cases to be that friend. (Not that I feel like I have one of those friends myself, but that’s another whole blog in and of itself…) I suppose this is just another one. Another case of my trying really hard to live up to and passed my expectations for myself as a person and myself as a friend. I have an almost disgusting feeling of responsibility to the people around me, even people I don’t know the name of. It’s kinda gross.

A pretty cool forward…

jones12 — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 09:44:36 +0000

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood but the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a
special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything.. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

The Ninety and Nine by Ira Sankey

jones12 — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 05:38:47 +0000

Found this song in a really good book I’m reading. It’s pretty much beautiful, so I thought I would post it.

There were ninety and nine that safely lay

In the shelter of the fold,

But one was out on the hills away,

Far off from the gates of gold-

Away on the mountains wild and bare;

Away from the tender Shepherd’s care.

“Lord, Thou hast here Thy ninety and nine;

Are they not enough for Thee?”

But the Shepherd made answer,

“This of Mine has wandered away from Me,

And, although the road be rough and steep,

I go to the desert to find My sheep.”

But none of the ransomed ever knew

How deep were the waters crossed;

Nor how dark was the night that the Lord passed through

Ere He found His sheep that was lost.

Out in the desert He heard the cry-

Sick and helpless and ready to die….

But all through the mountains thunder riven,

And up from the rocky steep,

There arose a glad cry to the gates of heaven,

“Rejoice! I have found My sheep!”

And the angels echoed around the throne,

“Rejoice, for the Lord brings back His own!”

Freakin’ beautiful.

Ruth

jones12 — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:43:11 +0000

So, a really awesome friend of mine had a blog topic request, and I am more than happy to write about the book of Ruth. So here goes.

Dude, Alek, btw, my friends just started playing The Kill on guitar hero behind me and it made me all nastalgic. :(

I’m writing this all under the presupposition that there is much symbolism in Ruth regarding our relationship with Jesus, so that’s what I’ll be making an argument for in the following.

To start out, there is much risk in the story of Ruth’s life, as it is with our relationship with Jesus. She doesn’t have to stay with Naomi. There’s actually seems to be very little reward for staying with Naomi. I mean, she’s young enough that she could go and find another husband, another means of support. Instead she stays with her mother in law, who had no means of support herself, so Ruth is left with the responsibility of supporting them both. And so, as it is when we accept Jesus into our lives and we become a part of His family, Ruth is accepted into Naomi’s family, though a known Moabite (which is a big deal because back then it wasn’t cool for Israelites to bring people of other lands into their families). Then Ruth, in order to support her mother in law and herself, has to start gleaning in the fields. Now, just for the record, gleaning was not fun. The story behind that was it was basically an early form of welfare. The people harvesting ahead of the gleaners were required to leave ten percent of the crop for the poor and widowed to harvest themselves. It was hard, humiliating work. But Ruth made the sacrifice for her mother in law and herself to survive, because that’s what she had to do at that point in her life, much like the seasons in our lives when we’re called to sacrifice and make the most of what we’ve got and trust that God has something more in store for us. And He did indeed have something more waiting for Ruth. She finds favor with Boaz for her sacrifice (which Boaz mentions in 2:11-12) on behalf of her mother in law and shows that in her hardship she is a hard worker, and he rewards her for it. He promises her protection and feeds her well, giving her a position among his servant girls, that isn’t deserved.

In chapter 3 Naomi instructs Ruth to go and prepare herslef for Boaz and lie at his feet (a pretty risky move for that time and culture) and “He will tell you what to do.” This is symbolic of us and Jesus in that we must often take risks and be vulnerable, while waiting for Him to ‘tell us what to do.’ But, as Ruth finds, we are all rewarded for our risk. In 3:9, when Boaz wakes up, Ruth says to him “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsmen-redeemer.” Which is deeply symbolic in that Jesus covers all of our sins and redeems the relationship we were meant to have with God. Boaz’s response is basically summarized in this: You haven’t followed anyone else or looked to them for help, and so I will reward you. God’s response to our faithfulness in a nut shell.

In all of this, Ruth is rewarded for her faithfulness and sacrifice in several ways, two of which are: the immediate rewards, which is a not just a husband but someone to take care of her and allow her to live in security, and she becomes a part of the family line of Jesus as well as kings and nobility.

To continue with the symbolism, I actually don’t understand all that happens in 4, but it’s a beautiful contribution to the concept that Jesus wants it known by all that we are His (4:9) and that “He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age.” (4:15)

So, I don’t know exactly how helpful this was, but, well, you can let me know if you think I’m crazy :)

Grace

jones12 — Sun, 10 May 2009 02:00:56 +0000

God is really awesome, not gunna lie.

I recently finished taking a class at my church and several times in that class we talked about being completely aware of our “rejectability” which is basically just acknowledging all the bad in ourselves and how that makes us rejectable beings and how God loves us through that. For a long time that was just kind of a ‘duh’ for me and the reality of His grace didn’t really hit me at the time. Lately I’ve fallen away in some areas of my life though and today I had an opportunity to just give it all to God and experience His grace in a different way. It was pretty much awesome.

Jesus has a plan for my life and I want to live it everyday. He will fulfill His purpose for me.

Psalm 62

jones12 — Mon, 04 May 2009 00:10:59 +0000

So I haven’t written in a while but, if I can remember, I’m going to try to write more regularly…I think I said that last time…

It’s so crazy how faithful God is, even when I don’t feel like I’m close to Him and feel as if I’m not being faithful to Him, I see Him speaking to me in all sorts of ways.

I recently found out that next year I’m going to be a Resident Assistant at my college in a freshman all girls hall. Wow. Yes, I applied to be an RA, and yes, I expected to get the position, but it just recently really sunk in. And, honestly, I’m pretty scared. I feel so far from God and yet I know that it will fall on me to minister to these girls. I feel kinda like Moses…like “You’ve got the wrong person, God. I can’t do this.”

God has really been doing a lot in my heart lately about where I get my strength and how my past plays into my present view of myself in regards to my strength. The reality is that in my immediate family, I am the ‘strong one.’ In a lot of my friendships I am considered ‘strong,’ sometimes even to the point of being intimidating (which I don’t want to be…). I don’t know how long it’s been this way, but I definitely would label myself as ‘strong’ and do avoid certain things that I consider signs of being ‘weak.’ Just recently though, I’ve realized just how much I hate being the ‘strong one.’ I hate the pressure it puts on me and the expectation that not only others develop for me, but the expectations I have for myself because of that image. I’m SO tired of having to be strong. So ready to not be that any more, to give someone else that role. I’m done. There’s just one problem though… it’s a form of control that’s not easy to give up, especially when you’ve been filling that role for so long. I do indeed hate the position it puts me in, yet cling to it. I understand that role. I understand what is expected of me…though often unrealistic and definitely not possible without God, I understand it…. does that even make sense?

Anyways, God is amazing, and through my fear and all this revelation in my life I’ve come to a couple conclusions:

There is no way that I can survive next year and be an effective RA or walk out my faith unless I lean on God for the strength I need….which means giving that role (the ‘strong one’) over to Him. He wants to be strong for me… I just have to let Him.

As long as I am looking to God for my strength, it is okay to be weak. (Serious revelation for me… still sinking in…) Not only that, but, whether I like it or not, I am weak and can do nothing for God’s kingdom without God.

So, basically, if I want to do anything right by God I have to lean on Him in all things and stop thinking I can depend on my own strength to pull me through. Obvious, I know, but it’s always exciting when something really begins to mean something to you.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Psalm 62: 5-7

Wow

jones12 — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 19:56:02 +0000

This last week was my first week back at school after Thanksgiving break, and wow.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving break I got baptized. It was amazing and beautiful and crazy. I’m not saying that I instantly felt like a new person, because I didn’t. But I’m slowly realizing that I am a different person. It’s kind of crazy. At the baptism, however, God did speak to my heart. It was astounding all the things that God used other people to say to me. Things that only I and God knew about people were talking to me about. Things that I didn’t even realize were an issue were brought up to me to confront. Like I said, it was beautiful.

Then I went home for the break. Eek. I still can’t even pinpoint what went wrong. Now, I didn’t drink or do anything stupid with boys or anything like that… I just felt like crap. Being home just put this weight on my spirituality. Like I wasn’t free. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I do. But stuff is complicated. And I’m not at all trying to put this on them. It’s more of an attitude I somehow got thrown into while at home. And it makes me dread going back. I stopped reading my Bible and spending time in prayer after a few days. I stopped talking to God. It was as if I just stopped calling one of my best friends and neither of us knew why. I could still feel God, he was silent and sad right there next to me the whole time. And, for some reason, I felt like I didn’t know what to do about it. All I had to do was turn to him. But something was in my way. It sucked. ROYALLY. All of this makes me afraid to go back. I don’t want to do this again. It took me a good 4 days to make my way back to where I wanted to be with God, and that’s not including the good 6 during the break in which I didn’t speak to him. 10 Days away from God is like an eternity, and a very sad, depressing one at that.

These last couple days have been really nice though. God has been showing me his love in some really amazing places and calling me to move for him. It’s pretty crazy stuff.

I guess I’ll end with that but there’s a video I got sent to me recently and it’s pretty phenomenal. SO, here you go!

1 Corinthians

jones12 — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:05:53 +0000

A quality book, if I do say so myself.

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.

1 Corinthians 2:2-5

AWESOME POSSUM.

I love how in 1 Corinthians he keeps talking about how he made man’s wisdom stupid and such. Cause, I mean, he is God. And we’re always questioning this or that with our terribly flawed human logic. And man’s wisdom is a joke when compared with God’s, so I think it’s only appropriate that our faith rests in a being who’s power and wisdom are ridiculously more accurate (to the point of perfection), than in an obviously flawed thought process. If we try to dress up God’s message too much, I think it must lose much of it’s meaning.

So, now that this is no longer anonymous and such, I reserve the right to be wrong. As a matter of fact, I would really like to hear what you think. If I’m crazy, please let me know. BUT – tell me why please. How can I learn from my mistakes if you don’t tell me where I went wrong? =)

Psalm 83:1

jones12 — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:23:58 +0000

O God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, O God, be not still.

I love that verse. I ask that of God everyday. I want him to move!

And he does.

So I’m taking this class thing with my church and it’s amazing. God has called me to do so much through it, and through my church as well. It’s pretty impressive. Recently I received the gift of the Holy Spirit… and, well, I still find it weird… but in a good way. It’s so weird to try and explain all the amazing ways that my life has changed in words… I’m just so excited for God to move! I’m going to be getting baptized soon and I also plan on fasting… People always talk about pursuing a relationship with Christ, but I feel as if I’m really starting to actively pursue it. It’s pretty phenomenal.

God has spoken so much to me about so much and there’s just a ton to share!

Last week I had a pretty big exam that I wasn’t very prepared for and I was having Jesus time and just praying and such and I was talking to God about how I was worried about the test and such, and he kinda just said to me ‘You should be grateful you have the opportunity to fail a test in college… so many people never get there.’ And I dont’ think that he was reprimanding me so much as showing me how much he’s done for me… There are so many other places I could be today and so many other things I could be doing, and would be doing, if it wasn’t for God working in my life the way he has. It’s a beautiful thing to know that God has put me here, with specific intention for my life, and I’m SO grateful! I’m so grateful that I have had so many opportunities to fail a college exam, and there are so many to come, too. My life is amazing, but only because God has made it so.

Something else God has talked to me about lately is how much I worry about the people around me and their opinion of me. There’s this Switchfoot song and in it it says “I don’t belong here.” Now, I know that it’s a pretty elementary concept… live in the world, not of it… etc… BUT I don’t know… He just put it in new light for me. I knew the concept but I don’t think I really understood it until one day I was singing that Switchfoot song and as I was singing the “I don’t belong here” part God said to me “So why are you trying?” … I had always known I “didn’t belong” in that sense, but for some reason kept trying to.

In the class I’m taking with my church we also recently talked about reckoning. It was good stuff. There are so many things that God is revealing to me everyday! I’m so excited to go to the class tonight! Anyways, I had just honestly never thought about taking the things God has given us to reckon on, and making them my own. Sometimes I feel so stupid when I realize things that I’ve done or said and how little I understood God in that moment. It makes me sad and ashamed. Definitely something I should work on.

So there’s a ton more to tell, but nah. Maybe another time. I’m really going to try to keep this up at least once a week. I might even feel ambitious and write 2 or 3 times a week… but I don’t know. We’ll have to see about that.

Jesus rocks!

jones12 — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 05:25:56 +0000

So last weekend my church had a retreat thing and it was amazing!!

Before that weekend I was becoming really stressed and my life was full of all kinds of things… things that took the place in my life that Christ should have taken.

I was doing “church things” — 3 nights a week

Rugby — at least 6 hours a week

Those things added to classes was just tough and life was crazy. I was trying to do all these things and even my weekends weren’t a break in between stress. The retreat was an amazing awakening for me. Suffice is to say I am a part of a lot of activities… and I find a lot of my identity in those activities. Basically, though, God helped me realize that that’s not the way my life should be. So I recently dropped rugby with the hopes that with more time I can devote more of myself to finding my identity in Christ. And wow. God is fatihful. In the last week I have grown so much more than I thought I ever could and I’m so excited to be passionate for the things God wants for me!

It’s grand.